Standing Water

The rock plummets to the sandy bottom,
Like the life of an unloved, forgotten child
At first it stirs up the waters of the deep
But as it sinks further and further
All that's left
Is standing water.
No one remembers the rock
Aside from a vague, far-off recollection
For all they see
Is standing water.

Painted Skies

I need a reason to live
A purpose for being here -
So I spend my days,
Chasing the sun.
I can see it in the distance,
At the end of the highway,
Where the mountains meet the sky.
But for now, I'm stuck in the storm.
Half the time it feels like I'm hydroplaning through life -
But eventually the clouds break,
The sun peeks through,
I step outside and feel the rain
And sun on my face at the same time.
The painted sky catches my breath,
And then I remember what I forgot -
My reason to live,
My purpose for being here
Is to chase the Son.

Trust Me by Christina Rossettie

Trust me, I have not earned your dear rebuke, -

I love, as you would have me, God the most.

Would lose not Him, but you, must one be lost,

Nor with Lot's wife cast back a faithless look,

Unready to forego what I forsook.

This say I, having counted up the cost;

This, though 't be the feeblest of God's host,

The sorriest sheep Christ shepherds with His crook,

Yet, while I love my God the most, I deem

That I can never love you over much:

I love Him more, so let me love you too;

Yea, as I apprehend it, love is such

I cannot love you if I love not Him,

I cannot love Him if I love not you.

Redeeming Valentine's

February 14th. For most of my life this day has been a perpetual reminder of my own singleness. Single Awareness Day (S.A.D) is what I like to call it. One year I proposed to my kindergarten sweetheart on Valentine’s Day only to be completely shot-down and rejected. Another year I gave all of my friends cards with a picture of rocks flying towards a stick-figure boy’s head with the caption, “Boys are stupid. Throw rocks at them.” Two years ago on this day my adorable nephew, Elijah Michael was born.

Today is the 25th Valentine’s Day I have had as a single woman. But this year is different for me. It’s the first year that I’m okay with where God has me. For so many years all I could see was what I didn’t have, but this year it’s as if I’m learning to see clearly for the first time. And I’m amazed and in awe of all I do have, all of the rich relationships I’ve been blessed with.

Lately a friend and I have been passing out pizzas to homeless people in the area. In return, we have been so blessed by the people we’ve met along the way. Yesterday we decided to switch it up and pass out cupcakes. We made an insane amount of cupcakes. It looked like a pink flamingo through up in my kitchen (assuming of course that flamingo vomit is similar to pink frosting). Then we loaded up my car and drove around Medford and Ashland looking for people to give these cupcakes to.

We ended up passing them out to gas station workers in both towns. It was such an amazing experience. We would hand the attendant a little plate of cupcakes and just say something like, “We just wanted to say we appreciate all the hard work you do and we made you these cupcakes. God bless you.” And they would be completely flabbergasted and say, “Are you serious? For me? Wow, thank you so much.” It was incredible. We could hardly understand why they were so appreciative. For goodness sakes, they were just cupcakes. Yet they acted like we just did this huge favor for them. They would flash us these huge smiles. One guy even clasped my hand in both of his. It was really humbling.

Through all of this I’ve realized God is opening my eyes to see people I’ve never seen before. People who have been around me all along yet I was too wrapped up in myself to notice them. Now when I drive I can’t help but see homeless people on almost every corner. When I go to a gas station, I see men (and some women) who work awful hours, in the freezing cold, for little more than minimum wage. They might just be trying to make ends meet, provide for their families, or just survive this painful life.

My ultimate prayer is that this is not just a phase I’m going through or something that will become just a good memory. My prayer is that it will be a catalyst for change in my heart and in the hearts of those around me. We spend so much time trying to “find ourselves,” that we lose track of what really matters in life – namely Jesus Christ and Him crucified.

Matthew 16:24-26, “Then Jesus said to his disciples, ‘If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow Me. For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it. For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul?’”

How can I give silence, my whole life long?

I ASKED the heaven of stars
What I should give my love—
It answered me with silence,
Silence above.

I asked the darkened sea
Down where the fishes go—
It answered me with silence,
Silence below.

Oh, I could give him weeping,
Or I could give him song—
But how can I give silence
My whole life long?

~Sara Teasdale