It’s amazing how alive I feel after pulling my head out of the toilet of despair and self-destructive thoughts. I don’t know why I let myself go to that place, like Anne of Green Gables, “the depths of despair.” But as wise Marilla Cuthbert would say, “to despair is to turn your back on God,” and I don’t want to return to a life of a back turned to God.
Would that I could count all the blessings in my life, past and present. But I could no sooner number the stars in the heavens.
I’ve lived alone for less than a year of my life. Other than that time, I’ve had amazing, God-loving roommates. Steph Rea in nursing school, who ended up introducing me to one of my best-friends, Kyla. Leah and Bryana – oh how I will always cherish our late night excursions to Lithia Park and the like. Michelle Boudreau in Benin, West Africa – crying to her about being lonely, making pudding for lunch, waking up to chase the African sunrise. Amy and Brook for one more week. Playing our guitars, making meals together, looking up words like “incubus” in the dictionary, and of course Maxi Christmas Slippers.
I am surrounded by true believers, people who love the Lord and love others. Who don’t just give lip service but live out their faith in the day to day. I am humbled that I should have the honor to have these people in my life. Family and friends and pastors who admonish my in the Lord, remind me to keep my eyes on the Lord, reach out a hand when I stumble.
Words can’t express how thankful I am for my family. For having so many beautiful nieces and nephews, to hold and cherish, rock and sing to, run and dance with. The best-friends I’ve found in my two amazing, older sisters – the listening ears they give me, the wisdom they share. My mom still tucking me in when I go home to visit and picking me a bouquet of flowers from her garden to place next to my bed. Dave changing my oil, filling my tank, or buying me apple cider donuts just because he knows I love them. My older brother, Daniel, giving me bear hugs and telling me I’m beautiful and that one day the man the Lord has for me will see that, too.
Having a job that I love. The privilege to be a part of the once-in-a-lifetime event of welcoming a new baby into the world. Holding the tiny babies in the NICU. Praying for and praying with patients who come in, hurting and scared. The honor of being the nurse to care for a mother who has just lost her baby, crying tears for the life that the Lord knit together, and trusting that He has a plan even though we are not skilled to understand.
What a mighty God we serve. Jehovah Jirah, my Provider, who provides above and beyond all that I could ask or imagine. The King of kings and the Creator who owns the cattle on a thousand hills. In Him we live and move and have our being. Let this be a challenge for you to examine your life and your heart and thank the Lord for all that He has freely given you.
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